5 Times
by purebloodragdoll
Summary: Times like this I wish...


**Author's Note:** Sorry if I can't update Ingenious, so busy with school, especially now that we're starting to shoot our movie. I just randomly thought of this and before it will evaporate in mind, might as well publish this.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Detective Conan/Case Closed.

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**5 Times**

_Times like this I wish I could turn back time._

It was 14th of January when I said those words to her. Those words, I wished I could take back; those words that started to ruin us.

I woke up extra early that day when she texted me she has something to talk about to me about the antidote. I was so excited, that maybe this time… I can finally be with Ran.

I ran like a mad man towards Hakase's house and when I finally arrived I was welcomed by Hakase's downcast look. I didn't say anything for a while, since I thought he just failed another invention or she refused to let him eat any meat.

I asked where she is and he just motioned me towards the basement door.

As I approached her, I was only about an arm length from her when she opened her mouth; her back is still facing me.

"I'm sorry, Kudo-kun… there's no antidote…" That was all she said. I was frozen to where am I standing, thousands of questions were running in my mind.

"Why?" It was a nonsense question, but that was all I can utter.

"When we retrieve the data when the Organization went down, after studying for months, all results conclude that it would be impossible for me or for anyone to change back your DNA that has already been altered."

I stood behind her for good 10 minutes trying to analyze what she said.

"What are you saying that you can't make an antidote?! Every poison has its own antidote! How could you?! Didn't you know you ruined my life?!" I was in my wits end, I can't event think straight, I can't even remember it right, what what's her reaction. I forcefully grabbed her shoulders and faced me.

"No! I can't accept that! You did this to me; you find a way of this! I'm starting to think that you're just another mistake that came into my life and that I wished I didn't even met you! I wish I didn't follow that stupid Organization of yours! All of you are murderers!"

I slammed the door behind me as I exited.

"Shin—" I ignored Hakase and went straight home.

I will be forever stuck in this 9 year old body of Edogawa Conan, and it also means it's the death of Kudo Shinichi.

I didn't left my room for the whole day, replying all the things that have happened and it's only 8 o' clock in the morning.

As the night fall, it was only the time I realized all of the things I said to her.

It's was not her fault. She was forced, blackmailed and she's one of their victims also.

She did everything she could, I know that.

But, I just have to be an ass to her.

She's the only person who can understand me now, but I wasted all the chances of having a person really understood me when I opened my big mouth.

The next morning when I apologized, she accepted it but that was the last I had a conversation with her.

And I don't blame her for not talking to me.

_Times like this I wish I was there for her._

We were in 1st year high school that time, I was and already accepted that I'm no longer Kudo Shinichi and now the 15 year old Edogawa Conan, but also like Kudo Shinichi, I was a high school detective.

I didn't go to school that day, simply because I was too lazy.

They were having a small cooking competition that day, and she was one of the participants. Though, it's been almost 6 years, we never had any proper conversations or tirades like we used to and up until now I regret everything I said, and if only I can do something to make "us" go back to what we used to.

It was around 12 NN when I received a call from Mitsuhiko.

"Conan-kun! Help! She…Hai…Hurry up!"

I stared dumbfounded at my phone for a while before listening to Mitsuhiko again, but I can no longer hear him other than the siren of an ambulance. My eyes went wide when I realized he said "Hai…"

I ran as fast I could and arrived at the hospital just right after I saw an ambulance pulled over. Mitsuhiko, Ayumi and Genta all in their 15 year old form climbed down and help the nurses put a hospital bed down the ground. Ayumi was crying, Mitsuhiko and Genta looked scared and panicked.

I approached them and heard the most terrifying sound I've ever heard.

She was groaning; groaning in pain as she clutched her burned arm.

I didn't even listened when Genta explained what happened, all that was registering in my mind, she was cooking when an accident happen, a small explosion and she happens to be in the way. She was the one who was the busiest since the partner that was assigned to her, didn't came.

After that, I never took leave from school again.

Seeing her in pain broke my heart into two.

_Times like this I wish I was the one who was kissing her._

I didn't really mean to.

I was walking around the park when I spotted her. I thought she was alone, so I ran after her. Maybe…just maybe this would be my chance again to talk to her.

I was nearing her when I realized she's with someone and they were quite…busy.

They were kissing.

That day, I realized that after all these years what I felt for her was not just "missing a best friend" kind of thing, I didn't realized I was already falling for her, not until I saw her kissing him and wishing it was me.

I silently took a step and never looked back.

That day, my world started to rain.

_Times like this I wish I confessed to her._

Years passed, and their relationship is getting stronger. We just graduated from college and he already proposed to her.

He proposed to her, right after she gave her Summa Cum Laude speech. Everyone saw how sweet, caring and perfect he is to her.

I just left the auditorium for it already killed me.

I was invited into their wedding. I contemplated if I'm going to come or not, but my stupid heart said yes, that even for one last time I can see her with no wedding ring.

I was currently purchasing a tux when she entered the same shop. Our eyes met, but she just ignored me.

Maybe it was my stupidity or my recklessness, but I opened my mouth.

Those three words I so longed to say to her was already on the tip of my tongue.

"Yes?" She said, the same icy cold voice yet it always makes me ambiguous and warm inside.

"I…uh…" I stopped when I saw the engagement diamond ring sparkled through the sunlight. I already ruined our platonic relationship before; I don't want to utter another single thing that can ruin my chance of last seeing her on her wedding day.

As much as I want to say it, I willed myself not to.

"Uh…Congratulations."

"Hm…Thanks."

And that was it.

_Times like this I wish I can turn back time._

Now, I'm sitting at the back garden of some exclusive hotel here in Tokyo, watching her glide her way to the altar. I can't comprehend how beautiful she is. He's so lucky to have her.

The priest started to talk, but my attention is solely on her, and maybe it's my imagination but I saw her turned to me before she can say "I do."

If I'm not imagining, then I'm a fool.

Because that beautiful faced that turned to me clearly states:

Regret and love.

I saw her walked arm in arm with her husband, smiling gracefully and lovingly.

I wonder, can I make her smile like that?

If I talked to her before, is it me who would be hugging her right now?

She's happy right? Why did she turned and looked at me with regret, then?

But even if I answer all those questions…

At times like this I wish I could turn back time.

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A/N: For the record, I'm not broken hearted for me to write angst-themed story. I just randomly thought of this while writing in my journal. Rate and Review! Toodles!


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